


The Melon Cult Ruins Miraculous Ladybug

by Master_Spoiler



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Bananas, Emilie Agreste Lives, Evil Plans, F/M, Gabriel is the Best Dad, Gabriel is the worst dad, Identity Reveal, Italians, Lila Rossi Bashing, Multiverse, NOT an Anime, Reality Warping, What Was I Thinking?, evil!kim, group project, i guess i kind of betad it but not really, marrying, too many chefs in the kitchen here, we swear, what have we done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:16:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27198376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Master_Spoiler/pseuds/Master_Spoiler
Summary: Once upon a time, Chat Noir was stuck in the rain.Then it got worse.A group project written by a bunch of authors, each writing around one sentence at a time. No take-backs. It's the most beautiful thing any of us have ever created.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Toph Beifong, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe, Because rich kids stick together, Emilie Agreste & Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Damian Wayne, Not Really, maybe
Comments: 36
Kudos: 76





	1. The Melon Cult Ruins the Weather, Baguettes, and Le Chien Kim

**Author's Note:**

> You may have heard of the Miraculous Ladybug Fanworks Discord Server.  
> This is not their fault, please do not blame them.
> 
> This project WAS NOT WRITTEN ENTIRELY BY ME. I started it and moderated the server it took place on, but this was a group project with a lot of input, so please make sure to give all participants the credit they deserve.  
> We are the Melon Cult. Basically we're a Discord Server that was created as an offshoot from the main Miraculous Ladybug Fanworks Server on a whim for the sake of a joke. On this server, I decided it would be fun to see if we could write some crack fanfic. So we created a channel where a fanfic is in progress and everyone can write around one sentence at a time, no takebacks. It quickly reached a very high level of insanity. Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The melon cult successfully takes an axe to Paris's normal weather patterns. Oh, and Kim is the bad guy now. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Members of the Melon Cult who Participated in this chapter (designated by Discord Username): Master_Spoiler, anabielvriskamars, MariFlute, pink chunky boots, Victoria-chan, Halpinator, ThanatosTiger, It'sNotARubik'sCube, MiracularF.

Once upon a time, Chat Noir was stuck in the rain.

It wasn’t a regular rain, however. It was raining banana peels Ladybug was confuffled as to why Chat had banana hair. “I don’t—this—-how?” he asked no one in particular.

"It must be an akuma attack!" Chloe shouted from her balcony, posing dramatically.

Lila shuddered. “Bananas are terrible for the skin!”

“I SHOULD KNOW I HAD A DISEASE WHERE HALF OF MY BODY TURNED INTO A BANANA”

“CHAT! I didn’t tell you about bananitis because I wanted to protect you!”

“But I’m immune. I’ve been banananoir, so I’ll be fine.”

Ladybug sobbed. “You don’t know that!”

"wait so if bananas are falling does that mean BIKES ARE NEXT?"

As if decided by fate, a bike fell from the sky... or rather the roof... and hit poor Chloe on the head. “That’s unfortunate. Reminds me of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs.”

“—a bike?” Asked alya, the only sensible person in the room. Unfortunately, Alya was also the only person in the room, as everyone else had gone outside in the rain.

A HUGE MEATBALL HITS LILA-

"THE ITALIANS THEY ARE AFTER US" Nino yells while running away

"No, that's not true!" Lila tried to say, but she was proven to be lying as hundreds of italians burst from the manholes.

“They’re mad about the italics cult! HIDE THE PASTA!!" Marinette screeches at the top of her lungs. As a baker, she took the Italians invading very seriously.

Tom and Sabine watch in horror as Adrien stuffs flour into his backpack and rUNS. They were horrified because Adrien had detransformed to gain access to his backpack, revealing his identity.

“ADRIEN!” Cried chloe. “YOURE chat noir? But you’re a banana!”

"WHO CARES?!? HE IS STEALING MY FLOUR!!" Tom screams.

Marinette tried to stop him, but unfortunately she was also in love with him and thus couldn't act.

"ADIREN RUN!!" Lila shrieks after devouring the meatball. Lila was a superhero. Devouring meatballs was her Italian power. But OH NO that was a special meatball, she is now a meatball!

“Good!” Cries marinette. “Good riddance!”

Alya is so confused as to what is happening that she forgot to film any of it!

Nino grabbed her by the hand. “Babe! Let’s move! You can steal an apple on your way out!” Nino understood alya’s fear of bananas. Alya is so scared she is frozen, while she couldn't move a banana peel hits her head, turning her into a banana!

Adrien cried, "Noooo! Why can I never protect the people I care about?!"

Marinette rolled her eyes "Because you're basically a banana now!" Adrien bawled big tears at this.

"i'm not kidding. Look at yourself" she said as she pointed at him. Adrien ran his hands through his banana hair, realizing he only had a partial immunity. He figured he had another year at most before the sickness won and turned him the rest of the way into a banana, but that was probably enough time to get his revenge on the darn muffin that had bit him in the first place.

if that monkey doesn't get to him first that is.

meanwhile, mayura, hawkmoth, and a revived emilie stared at the chaos plaguing the city, bowing to the statue of a noodley chimera, thanking it for all it had done. Unfortunately, said Chimera was controlled by King Monkey, who was now the villain.

"He's doing a worse job than i ever did controlling my akumas," mused gabriel.

“No,” said emelie. “He really isn’t”

But King Monkey grinned, as this chaos and lack of control was all part of his Master Xuppu's plan. Out of nowhere, the song 'I Like to Eat Apples and Bananas' came on. As the song echoed out of all of Paris's radios, King Monkey knew that soon the city would be under his control. Everyone started to chant "BANANA KING" faster and faster.

Adrien, still partially immune, tranformed, shouting: "THE ONLY WAY TO DEFEAT HIM IS TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! BANANACLYSM!"

"Quick!" Tom urged. "Give me the flour!" 

"But why!" Marinette shot back. 

"Going to break the Geneva Convention!" 

Marinette gave out a dramatic gasp. "Not the baguette you fool!" 

"The Monkey King won't take me alive! Hon hon hon hon hon!" Soon, Tom and Sabine had violated international law by making a baguette. Sirens sounded. Children screamed. Marinette wept. 

Adrien held her close, protecting her from the spectacle. “It’s okay, princess. I’ll protect you from the baguette.”

Everyone stops, in the distance, minion noises come from the Eiffel Tower. King monkey laughed evilly. "YES! MY MOST EVIL MINIONS HAVE ARRIVED FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION!"

"But" said Damian Wayne. "So have i."

The PJ Masks watch from afar, "Amateurs..." they say in unison.

Their mocking comes back to bite them as a dimensional rift opens from behind them, sucking them in.

Soon, everyone returns to their slightly-less-than-normal daily business, but it's obviously disrupted within the span of 10 seconds, because they just happened to forget about the baguette--which had somehow grown to the height of the Eiffel tower--and is now rampaging.

“How is he lifting that?” One passerby mused before the baguette was thrown at king monkey. “It’s bread, & he’s certainly muscular, but questions must be asked.”

"Simple. The rule of cool defies all of time and space." Alix knowingly responded.

"Tom, no, stop!" Marinette shouted. 

"If I can't hit you with this baguette!" quick as lightning, Tom grabbed the Monkey King from behind by the waist. "Then I'm going to hit the baguette with yooooooouu!" 

Tom jumped out of the Eifel tower to wards the rampaging monster baguette, nailing it on the top with the Monkey King's neck. "NOOOOOooooooOOOOO!" Monkey King and Xuppu cried out in a tremendous explosion.

Suddenly bananas start appearing from the explosion and raining on everyone. Monkey King starts stress-eating them, but they still manage to flatten many, including Miss Mendeleev, due to their high gravitational potential they had accumulated, which transfers into kinetic energy, aka murder energy.

"Oh no you don't!" Chat Noir shouted, his hair vibrating as he telekinetically turns the bananas into a banana mush tornado and sends it flying at King Monkey-

END CHAPTER


	2. The Melon Cult Ruins Death, Taxes, and Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The melon cult returns, with more shenanigans, more crossovers, and more existential angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, we're back. I blame you guys for giving us positive feedback. Enjoy.
> 
> Members of the Melon Cult, as designated by Discord Username, who worked on this Chapter:  
> ThanatosTiger, Master_Spoiler, imthememequeen, TojieNoire, It'sNotARubik'sCube, KohGahMee, pink chunky boots, MariFlute, MiracularF, Victoria-chan,

King Monkey had been hungry since his turn to the dark side. He gleefully used the power of Hawkmoth's akumas to akumatize himself, becoming the deadly SUN EMPEROR, and opened his mouth to inhale the entire banana mush tornado. The bananas were nice, but the fact that the noodly chimera Hawkmoth summoned hadn’t been creating chocolate rain like a certain cartoon had promised him left him feeling pretty dang disappointed. His lust for the rich, creamy liquid could never be satiated!

Chat Noir gasped in horror. Why had that not worked?

"Plagg?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"We're going to join the Dupain-Chengs as war criminals." With those words, Chat Noir Cataclysmed his Cataclysm and became a reality warper, which was of course extremely illegal in every country except Venezuela (who were too busy being struck by lightning to outlaw it).

Seeing another reality warper, Discord the Noodly Chimera cackled with glee. This was gonna be fun!

Chat frowned. While he certainly had enough power to easily take back the territory from the currently-a-chaos-god Sun Emperor, he hadn't planned on other reality warpers trying to take the turf during the power vaccum.

“Seriously? I’ve been here since last chapter. You really need to get better at perceiving your surroundings.”

"To be fair, I wasn't a reality warper until three seconds ago."

Discord hmphed in annoyance as he and his new Sunbutt attacked Chat Noir

Plagg manifested next to Chat. "I'M OLDER THAN YOU I CLAIM TURF SENIORITY!" He shouts, enacting ancient reality law

"NO ONE CARES OLD MAN" screamed Discord, he implodes and then manifests him self again but made out of pure time warping energy around him

Plagg turns to Chat Noir. "I'll handle this. Cataclysm. Boop." He flies up and boops Discord on the nose. Nothing happens for 3.14 seconds. Discord just stands there, stunned. 

Then his face rearranges into an enraged frown, "DON'T YOU DARE BOOP MEH-" But he disintegrates from the sheer force of the boop before he can finish the sentence.

But then everyone caught fire and died

Chat looked at the destruction. As a reality warper, he was still alive, but at what cost?

“That’ll be 880000 million, will that be cash or credit.”

Chat and Plagg turned to scowl at the figure. "There are two forces in the whole of reality greater and older than all others," Plagg explained. "One is Death. The other is this guy." He frowned. "Taxes."

“I understand your frustration, but unfortunately money literally does make the world go round. The level of destruction is much beyond something you should be capable of currently.”

The good news was Tikki was a slot machine, just out of nowhere the adorable and spotty creature turned into a slot machine. Chat noir played it and got a jackpot immediately.

"Yin and Yang, guess my lucky charm is still here in spirit" Chat said with teary eyes.

"For what it's worth, kid, I did have a backup plan if you lost. The Agreste Estate." said Plagg

“Hmm, that should just about cover the costs of destruction and returning the world back before you tried to cataclysm a draconequus.”

"Can you also sign this saying that Paris is joint turf between Me, Plagg, and the newly-deified Adrien?" Tikki asked. "We need to get Discord to leave to prevent this from happening again."

“Sign paperwork signifying ownership? Of course!” With a click of the pen, the world was now as it once was. Only Adrien now had new problems. The problems only a reality warper can have.

He remembered all this and now no one else did. He can’t talk about his experiences to anyone, or else it wouldn’t make sense to them.

Well, there was one person. "What did you DO?!" The Sun Emperor roared from his newfound prison in the Parisian catacombs. Adrien didn’t think, he reacted. And suddenly 11,000 goats fell on Sun Emperor.

Coincidentally, Xavier Ramier gained a new obsession.

Bunnyx banged her head against her time and space tunnel. Again?!!!

Someone's created a turf contract Fluff explained mentally. We need permission to enter. The password to enter was...Sofia the First theme song? Someone had to sing the theme song, all at once, everyones eyes were on Plagg.

"Hey, I'm one of the owners. I can enter and leave as I please!"

ENTRY DENIED

"Cataclysm." The entry denied wall vanished, and Plagg floated through unharmed. "Now, it might be trickier for you guys, but me and Adrien rule this place now."

As a result of destroying the wall, the song started playing at inconceivable levels. Adrien, who set the password in the first place, sang along. The song suddenly stops and the goats from earlier in the catacombs magically come and start singing the theme song out if no where.

Next step on Adrien's reality warping agenda was punching a shark. Because that was something he'd always secretly wanted to do. A shark falls out of the sky, which happened to turn into water at about 400 ft in the air and no one noticed it happen

During all this, Marinette was busying herself making love potion infused macarons for herself and the love of her life, Adrien, to make him fall irrevocably in love with her. “Tikki, I know what you’re thinking, but after my father went against the Geneva convention and Chat became a reality warper, I think I’m allowed to do something a bit crazy!”

"Marinette the other kwamis may think this is insane but this entire thing is so crazy that a love potion is the least weirdest thing so do that I'll just be over here lul"

Marinette was trying her best for the love potion to be perfect, but one of the ingredients was a piece of hair from the person that he was supposed to feel in love with, so the girl smacked some hair from her scalp and put it in the potion. Unfortunately, this resulted in her acquiring a bald spot, which she wouldn't notice until someone timely pointed it out to her later. In the meantime, she stirred the potion. "Was it supposed to turn sparkly?" She wondered aloud to Tikki.

Tikki floated up and peeked at the potion while Marinette kept stirring. "Oh no! Marinette i think you made the potion too strong!"

"What do you mean!? The recipe never specified how much hair to use!! Buuut, would the effect of it being stronger be necessarily bad?"

"Yes. Definitely, 100% superly, Yes."

"But how so, Tikki??"

"Because Aphrodite is a massive jerk."

"But, isn't she supportive of love endeavors?" Marinette asked, eyes pleading, because she needed her prince to love her back.

"So are shipping wars. And Aphrodite is the Mother Of All Crazy Shippers."

"OH THEN I NEED TO CALL ALYA. She'll defeat Aphrodite with her SHIPPING powersss"

"Aphrodite is a literal goddess I think Alya would die even looking at her :/"

"Well, you're a literal goddess and you can get sick and yeeted around"

"Well yeah. That's because this is only my physical avatar."

"What's your non-physical avatar? Could it help me get Adrien to love me?"

"don't remind me about my non -physical form uegh >:( disgusting"

Marinette snorted. "What? What's worse than Chat Noir's reality warper look?"

"alot of things, and I mean alot, I'll show you. hand me a piece of graphite I can't hold a pencil"

"You can if you believe in yourself." Marinette said, handing Tikki a pencil.

"im literally a 10 cm tall ladybug patterned floating thing with nubs for arms and you expect me to hold a pencil?"

"Yes."

"AAGH" tikki snaps the pencil with karate chop and slid out a piece of graphite and started to draw. The drawing ended up being terrible. It was of Adrien holding out a piece of cheese in his hands with a disgusted face which looked distortioned due to Tikki's inability to draw

"Wait are you Adrien? Marinette said 

"No I'm in adriens hands"

"You're a piece of CHEESE?" 

"Pretty much" answered Tikki

"Wait does plagg like you for you or cheese you"

Tikki looked down. "I never asked him"

"ok lemme get Adrien" marinette says 

"Wait how do you know he's chat noir, was there a reveal i wasnt here for?"

"He was once talking to Plagg in front of me"

"oh ok go get him"

"all right" Marinette took her love potion and started running, but tripped on the stairs and fell. Luckily the potion wasn't affected

Instantly, Adrien appeared. Reality Warpers can do that. "My lady, are you ok?"

"A-ADRIEN!? what are- what are you doing here??"

"I felt a disturbance in the force" he says

"O-oh, right haha. Because you are the amazing I MEAN Adrien and also Chat Noir wait you are Chat Noir? Oh my god Adrien is Chat Noir and im rambling right in front of him and-" Suddenly she stops and blinks at both Adrien and the potion in her hands.

"what are you gonna do with that"

"Uhhhh it's uh, it's a, a pot-ink! A drink! Juice! Yeah juice! Hehe. And i was going to, uh, give it to Adrien! Which is you because obviously you are Adrien there isn't anyone else called Adrien here hahaha right?"

Adrien blinks. "Plagg?" He asks the Kwami for confirmation.

"i would recognise that bottle anywhere it's the best 'Juice' around!" Plagg snickers

Adrien blinks. "Okay."

"go on chug it lol" Plagg says

Adrien does so. Then he vomits pink glitter.

"what was that?" And why do you look hot now? And why am i saying this?"

"YOU HAVE SUMMONED THE WRATH OF APHRODITE! LUKANETTE IS THE ONLY TRUE SHIP!" 

"Oh, suck it," says Plagg. "Everyone knows Love Square is Canon."

"what is love square?" Adrien asks

"Nonexistant, now. Now it's just Adrinette." With that remark, the last remnant of aphrodite's suffering psyche snapped, and the sinister bagpipes of march of cambreath began playing.

"bruh has Adrien not figured out you are ladybug?" Tikki pops out

"OH FRICK!" Plagg shouts. "QUICK, SUMMON THE WARPERS OF NEARBY TURF, WE NEED A COUNCIL SINCE APHRODITE IS GOING TO WAR! EVERY WARPER KNOWS TO FEAR THE BAGPIPES!"

"what are we in now Scotland?" All the warpers come warping in

"Oh is that where we are now?" Asks the Goddess of Earth. Otherwise known as Toph Beifong (who else).

"EEEYYY TOPH!" Adrien says

"EEEYYY CATBOY!" Toph says

"wait wats goin on?" Marinette says

"We'll meet a couple centuries in the future and become good pals."

"ok then... Wait i recognise the name toph from somewhere..." Marinette says

"Maybe from Avatar, the last airbender, the best animated show from the 2000's" said Toph

"oh yeah you" marinette says

Toph bended the Earth so that Marinette was sent flying 5000 metres above the ground Adrien warps her back and catches her "ey what was that for" Marinette says

"Because I can, and it was fun too," Toph smirks

"No it wasnt!" marinette shouts

"Guys, there's a bigger problem here. Namely a deranged love goddess with bagpipes!" Said Plagg.

Adrien whips out bagpipes and challenges Aphrodite to a bagpipe off Plagg, Toph, Tikki, and the other reinforcements did the same.

One of the warpers says "no no no no this isn't going to work" 

Adrien replies "yes it won't..... Ey yo Toph put on the music!" Music starts playing and Adrien starts singing "Nani wo sutereba akuma wo mo shinogeru Inochi sae tamashii sae kesshite oshiku nado wa nai" and then all of a sudden the entire place starts shouting "Sasageyo! Sasageyo! Shinzo wo Sasageyo!" Once the sound of Adrien’s music reached Aphrodite’s ears, her divine gallbladder exploded twice and imploded thrice, causing her to no longer be able to eat lettuce, and forcing her to run away from the battlefield.

"eyy it worked!" said Toph, and Adrien replies 

"of course it worked! You can't beat the power of anime lol"

"But Avatar isn't anime. And neither is Miraculous." said Tikki.

"did i say any of those were anime tikki?" Adrien says  
Unknown to everyone except the Kwami, the damage to Aphrodite’s gallbladder meant that for .32 seconds, no one felt romantic love. Which then made the entire world feel really weird but because it was so short time no one noticed

Suddenly, Aphrodite's love power exploded and sprinkled love juice onto Marinette and Adrien's heads, causing them to become the new love gods. Adrien gasped. "I didn't sign up for this! MOM! YOU TAKE THESE LOVE POWERS!" 

"WHAT?" said Emilie, who was still getting used to being awake.


	3. The Melon Cult Ruins Matrimony, the Color Spectrum, and the Agreste Family Dynamics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The melon cult continues to wreak havoc, while simultaneously trying to arrange a wedding. Whether or not it actually occurs...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As long as we keep getting good feedback, we'll keep making these!
> 
> Members of the Melon Cult, as designated by Discord Username, who worked on this Chapter:  
> TojieNoire, imthememequeen, MariFlute, ThanatosTiger, KohGahMee, Victoria-chan, Master_Spoiler, Shannon, It'sNotARubik'sCube, MiracularF,

Emilie refused Adrien's love god power because she knows that marinette has a crush on her Ady because her and marinette talked when she first awoke, "Go get that boy" she whispered to Marinette, who looked like a determined tomato at that point.

"I can't Em he just says I'm a very good friend and i just accept it cus Gabe has not been the friendliest while you were gone and hasn't had many friends"

“Go after him anyway, Marinette. You seem really sweet and would be a nice partner for my son. He also seems to like you too, even if he doesn’t realize it.”

Marinette snorted. "Your son learned his brick density from the best, aka Ole Gabe over there."

Nathalie charged at the pig tailed girl in rage, dishonored by the accusation that anyone except her had taught Adrien anything. Marinette dodged the tackle, a little perplexed.

"Hey Nath Why'd you do that?" Emilie said

"Because that worthless little brat insulted me! She deserves to be maimed!" Nathalie declared

"uh no she didn't Naths she insulted Gabe. And ADRIEN TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!" she shouts while Adrien is blasting Caramelldansen.

And then he shouts back "SORRY MOM!" As he turns it off and hears him say "it's good music" muffled because of the roof between them

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" Emilie exclaimed to her son.

"My dear mother, I was only about to give you this enormous emerald-crusted diamond ring" Adrien said, and he procured it out of thin air, because reality warper.

"I'M YOUR MOTHER NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND" She then took a belt out of nowhere and was running around after Adrien. "Hey um stop i was speaking to you" she says, and then whispers "Adrien please don't listen"

He stopped and Emilie started beating Adrien with the belt. Gabriel gasped. He may be the worst parent in the universe, but he would never be caught dead beating his son with a belt! It was bad for PR!

Adrien was so angsty that he decided to transform which led to Gabriel and Emilie being shocked. 

"so my son was Chat Noir the whole time"

“You should’ve found that out way earlier. I’m surprised you never caught on, considering I constantly wear this ring, although you have checked it out.”

"Adrien, I need your miraculous to take over the world"

“NEVER. What do you want to rule the world for, anyway??”

“Ownership of the world would pair nice with one of the designs the company is currently working on.”

“You don’t need the world just for a design! It’s just a design!”

“Adrien Amarillo Alexander Abraham Abracadabra Athanase Agreste, you are fired for your cheek!”

“EXCUSE MOI?? FIRED?? I could change that...but should I?”

“No, you will no longer work at the company I created, so your ridiculous expensive and stinky Camembert budget for your kwami is dried up!”

Adrien Thinks: Well, there’s something he doesn’t know, and it’s that I can warp this. Should I warp reality? 

Warps it

Gabriel is nice now and Adrien owns both the black cat, the peacock and the butterfly miraculous but Emilie, Marinette and Nathalie knows what just happened

Also, a healthy diet now consists of an extreme amount of sugary, carbohydratey, and fatty substances. And everyone has a load more metabolism and no one gets sick from eating and the healthy diet if sugar is all tikkis fault because she persuaded Adrien to do it.

Toph, who was chilling at Adrien's house because modern Paris was classier than medieval Earth Kingdom, groaned. "This is too sweet, catboy. Change it baaaaack."

"Fiiiiiine tikki I'm sorry" Changes everything back except Gabe "There you go, you happy Toph?"

Toph grinned. "Good. Now, TIME TO SET YOU AND MARINETTE UP ON A DATE!" 

"Wait WHAT"

"Yes, and you'll be wearing a pink dress decorated with real bananas"

"YES!" says Plagg

"Wait me or Marinette" Adrien says

"you, of course" Toph answered. "She's going to wear a dress full of feathers" 

"b-but I'm allergic to feathers"

"DONT CARE, on with planning" Toph says,then she also says "Wait wait wait wait wait i forgot to mention, you want to go on a date right?"

Adrien nods slowly. "Of course, but feathers are my kryptonite, so it'll be one short date."

“Fine. You are no longer allergic to feathers, and her dress will be a long, but feathered dress. Have fun!”

"will I still wear a banana dress?"

"no something will just eat it" Toph says

"why do you hate me so much?"

“I don’t hate you, this is how I show affection to my friends.”

"screw your affection, I miss my cousin Felix, aka Discord"

Gabriel facepalmed. "This makes so much sense now"  
"ey yo do you know this guy?" Toph Shows a picture of Andre on her phone"Yeah there's a guy goin around photoshopping His face on everyone his name is Nelly.Blot You should check him out lol"

Discord, aka Félix, appears out of nowhere. Adrien frowns. "I thought I exiled you."

"i have changed my ways cousin don't worry"

Adrien, the naive sunshine child he is, then welcomes Félix back with open arms. But the good thing is Dislix is now actually good now!

"But wait," said Adrien. "Aren't you married?"

"no i got divorced 3 years in the future, technically its not legal to marry yet since we are technically 15" Felix says

Toph groaned. "This is why we need to save the explanation of how I met Adrien for another time. Right now we need to get Marinette and Adrien together so that they can get complete power over romance!"

"WAIT A MINUTE Felix married Toph?" Marinette says

Suddenly, puppies appeared.

"I did NOT!" Toph says. "Besides, in canon all my relationships dont work out, so even if I was it wouldn't last!"

"that's why we only lasted 5 months because i thought it was good so stop denying and anyway is anyone gonna notice these dogs ?" Felix says Considering the number of puppies was enough to cover their ankles, it was surprising they hadn’t noticed them earlier.

Adrien frowned. "ALIIIIIIX!"

"what bro" she pops out a portal as bunnyx “I am not responsible for the puppies, Rose and Juleka are.”

"how, they live about a mile away lol" Adrien says

“They are the dreamers of dreams.”

"Ah. Sooooo.... we must send Marinette after them!"

"yes but both love gods should be there" Alix says

Unbeknownst to them, the sun was now on water. No one knows how it happened but everyone thinks it was an akuma

"I swear it's not my fault!" Said Nathaniel.

“It was me,” Emilie said villainously.

"I did it to revive the-" "THE SUN EMPEROR!" the person in question declared.

“Ugh, the could beaten him easily, and we don’t need the sun, Adrien coulda handled the friggin sun duties!” Toph yelled.

"well he is the sunshine boy and i lo- LIKE him as a friend of course" Marinette says

“Marinette, I know you love me, and that you’re ladybug, can we please make out now?” Adrien asked

"YES" she says

And so they did so for 17 hours and six minutes. But adriens time warping powers made it see really long but it was about 42 seconds for other people and since that requires alot of time warping energy he left some on marinette

Bunnyx gasped "Adrien what have you done! You turned Marinette into a Time Lord!"

"uh oh, marinette DONT ABUSE THIS POWER, if a reality warper condenses kissing time with an inactive time lord they have 10x more power than they should have"

Marinette blinked up at him, coyly. "You sure you don't want to make out again?"

"well of course i do i was just telling you to not abuse the power lol" they then kiss again but it was only for about a minute, But Marinette didn't want to stop so she decided to make out with Adrien again

Once they stopped everyone was just saying "OK LETS GET TO THE WEDDING, what type of theme?"

"They aren't getting married. I won't allow it" said Gabriel who got hit by a book and then fell in mud after he said those things.

Adrien side-eyed Dislix, then nodded. "Thanks for the book drop" he whispered.

"your welcome"

"Nino, will you be my best man?" Adrien asked

"Yes of course i will!" He pops his head through the door

Suddenly, everyone was teleported to the Eiffel Tower decorated in white bananas for the wedding. Marinette wore a banana dress and held a bunch of bananas for a bouquet. Meanwhile, Adrien had a banana crown.

Chloe kicked the door down. "As a matter of fact, I object to this marriage!"

"no" marinette says. 

Then Chloe says "Ok bye then" and leaves but comes back to say "wait a minute we are all underage"

"This is Paris. We can get away with anything as long as it looks fancy." Responds Felix.

"good point" nino pops his head into the pocket dimension that was made and proves that they weren't teleported and they created a 4 dimensional space

Suddenly, Lie-la shows up, mini crocodiles sliding down her face. "Adrien! You promised to marry meeee!"

"And deal with atrocious Italian fashion? No way, Father would actually kill me. Oh also you've been sexually harassing me i just need to say that's not okay," Adrien says and then also starts speaking to the reader breaking the fourth wall "also psa, if you are being sexually harassed or are uncomfortable with someone in any way, go to someone, they will sort things out"

Lila blinks slowly, wondering who the heck on earth Adrien is talking to.

"Lila go away this is our wedding" Marinette says

Lila lets out a growl and then charges at Marinette, But it was actually an illusion Marinette created by Rena Rouge! "Quick, get married before she can interfere!"

"Alright, wait, ey yo hawkyboy come over here" Marinette says and Gabriel comes over but doesn't queston how she knows 

"yes my daughter" he says 

And she replies "1. I'm only about to be and 2. Can you fend off Lila so 1 cannot exist?"

So, Gabriel ran up to Lila and delivered a roundhouse kick to her face, flinging some of the mini crocodiles off. Lila was torn between being offended and grateful

"ok then BYE" she says then whispers "even though i will try make you divorce hehe" Before she can leave however, Dislix made her dance like Pinocchio to "I've got no strings" or whatever the song's called.

and gabriel says "hehe if you dont get outta here right now im filing a restraining order"

With that threat in mind, Lila ran away from the wedding, and into the arms of the ghost of Rod Serling

Now that Lila was gone, they realised they didn't even have a priest to marry them “I can officiate, for everything is possible in the twilight zone.” Rod Serling said smoothly. “Just give me a few seconds to deal with her.”

"But then everything will be black and white!" Marinette complained

“I can change that, I am rod serling.” By the power of pure Rod Serling everything changed to black and white then back again and created a new colour

"Everything looks exactly the same." Said Toph

"well you are blind so i wouldn't expect it to be different for you." Adrien says

Toph just created a house and threw Adrien over the window.

"oi don't dont do that" Marinette says

"He just said I'm blind!!!"

"Pretty sure that's a good thing right now," said Nathaniel, who was covering his eyes in pain as Rod Sterling's color scheme affronted his senses with an Artist's Worst Nightmare.

"Really?" Toph just warped reality to see and she was very confused at the scheme.

"eh its not even that ba- wait Nathaniel when did you get here?" Marinette says

“Reality is broken Marinette, almost as if a powerful tree had gotten broken somehow.” Tikki clarified, before giving an obvious wink to the audience.

Nathaniel blinked. "Maybe, but I just walked over. Since two of my friends are getting married."

"good point" nino pops his head in again and people realise the only thing nino has really said has been 'good point'

Marinette gives a start and quickly looks around her. She see's so many people, including Kagami, who she can see has a pained yet straight smile. When she catches Marinette looking her way she gives a small nod and comes up to her.

"Wait, but didn't Nino also agree to be my best man?" Adrien wonders.

"nope he never said that he just used telepathy his mouth never moved" Marinette says

"That makes sense. People as chill as Nino always have telepathy... wait Luka's chill does HE have telepathy?" 

Dun dun DUN.

"no he has something like the neurolink kinda thing, he can play music into people's heads" Kagami says

"Now that seems a little invasive," Marinette says. "What if he mentally rickrolls me?? In the middle of a test??"

“I only mentally Rick roll people who commit tax evasion, which you can’t do yet.” Luka informed.

Gabriel Agreste narrowed his eyes. "So YOU'RE the one who keeps putting that song in my head!"

Never gonna give you up starts blasting in Gabriel's ears " so 1 you just confessed to a crime and 2 i also do it to people who annoy me lol"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Melon Cult is not affiliated with the Infinite Loops Project in any official capacity.
> 
> And as Adrien says, sexual abuse and harassment is a serious problem. If you or anyone you know is experiencing it, reach out to trusted adults, relatives, and authority figures and get help. Being treated like that is wrong and nobody should have to go through it.
> 
> If you'd be interested in seeing us ruin other works, let us know in the comments! We're thinking of starting a Melon Cult Ruins Avatar The Last Airbender, and explain how Toph and Adrien met in the distant future. Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> Yup. Whether or not we make another chapter is unknown, but probably dependent on the level of interest we gain from this.
> 
> If you would like to join the Melon Cult Server, whether to add to the story or to just meme about melons: [THIS LINK](https://discord.gg/k3vSbXY)
> 
> If you would like to join an awesome community focusing on Miraculous Fanworks, while being much more reasonable than the Melon Cult, then check out the Miraculous Ladybug Fanworks Discord server at [THIS LINK](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks)
> 
> Hope to see you there. If you have any questions about this or anything else, I'll try to answer them in the comments, or just DM me on Discord (I'm pretty easy to find on both the servers listed above).


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